Lower the daily e‑Transfer limit
Call the number on the back of her bank card and ask to lower the daily e‑Transfer limit to what she actually sends.
For family
Every time I bring up scams with my parents, it turns into a fight.
Ask for one rule the whole family keeps, rather than arguing about whether your mother could be scammed.
- Have ready:
- a blank card, a statement or receipt from each charity your mother gives to, and her banking app.
- How long:
- about an hour by our estimate, half of it on settings that help even if she says no to the rule.
How to raise scams without a fight
01
Bring up scams on an ordinary day, not the day something happens
If money has already gone, go to I think I have been scammed.
Otherwise, not on any of these days:
- The day you read an article.
- The evening you saw something on their computer.
- In the car after Christmas dinner.
We think a talk raised the day something happens becomes about what she did.
02
Ask for a family rule that includes you
- Not “Mom, I’m worried about you. There are people out there who target seniors and I don’t want you getting taken advantage of.” She hears: you can’t handle your own money anymore.
- Instead “I want us to have a family rule about this.”
If something has nearly caught you, tell her.
Our reasoning, not measured: if the talk leaves her feeling managed, she has less reason to tell you the next time something happens.
How many never tell anyone official
A February 2026 survey by the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) found that 55 of every 100 people aged 50 and over who lost money to a romance scam never reported it. Of those who did, 26% went to the police and 23% to their bank.
Why knowing about money does not protect her
In a survey of 1,268 Americans aged 50 and over, knowing more about money did not predict who lost money in an investment scam.
03
Agree the rule: never send money during a call
Agree one sentence. Ours is:
We never send money during a call. We send it afterward, through a number we already had.
What the rule does not ask of her
- It doesn’t ask her to spot anything.
- It doesn’t ask her to give less. Same causes, same amounts, a day later.
- It doesn’t ask her to be suspicious of anyone. The rule treats every caller the same, real charities included.
Has this rule been tested?
Not that we know of. Nobody has measured whether this rule stops scams; we suggest it on our own reasoning.
04
Put the rule and the charities’ numbers on a card by the phone
- On the card. The rule itself, handwritten, by the phone or on the fridge.
- Underneath it. The two or three charities she gives to, with the numbers she should call, looked up together on a statement or receipt, not in a search engine.
05
Lower limits, turn on alerts, name a trusted contact person
Do these three together, sitting beside her on her own accounts. It takes about half an hour.
Turn on transaction alerts
Send alerts to her phone, and to yours only if she wants that.
Name a trusted contact person on her investment accounts
The firm may call that person, with her written consent. It gives them no power over her money.
How to do it: Name a trusted contact person on the investment accounts.
06
If the talk turns into an argument, stop
Don’t argue and don’t produce evidence. Say this:
“I’m not saying you’d fall for something. These are built to catch careful people, me included, and I’d rather we both had a rule.”
Then stop, and change the subject.
07
Check the rule and the card together once a year
Take twenty minutes to check that the numbers on the card are still right.
Common questions
Am I taking her independence away?
No. Every step is something she agrees to and can undo tomorrow. None of it gives you access, control, or visibility over anything she has not chosen to share.
What if she says no?
Then she has said no, and it is her money and her life.
Take whichever part she agrees to, and ask again next year.
What if she has already given money and won’t tell me?
Assume it is possible, and don’t go looking for it in this conversation. The rule applies whether or not there is a past you don’t know about.
She is sharp, she is social, she has friends. Isn’t she fine?
Not necessarily. In the one study we know of, having more people around did not seem to protect anyone from fraud.
What the study found
In an American study that followed 775 older people, those with more social support were more likely to report being defrauded, not less. The researchers had expected the opposite. They think support may help people notice and report a fraud, rather than make one more likely.
Could this be a sign of something medical?
Sometimes.
What the study found
A Chicago study followed 935 people with no dementia at the start for about six years. Those with lower scores on a scam-awareness questionnaire were more likely to develop Alzheimer’s dementia or mild cognitive impairment. The authors say the questionnaire is too weak to predict it for any one person.
The study above measured how well people spotted a scam on a questionnaire, not whether they lost money. Don’t bring the study up with her.
Our advice: tell her doctor about a change from how she has always been, not about a single incident.
What if a charity keeps asking her for gifts she doesn’t remember making?
If her memory loss is already clear, start with A real charity keeps asking my parent for money.